It's Complicated
by queerlingrising
Summary: The current status of my relationship is nonexistent, but I'm in love with the owner of a coffee shop who has no interest in me and going on dates with a licensed fuckboy just to get my best friend off my back, but he's just a decoy. Well, supposed to be a decoy. And then there's this anxiety thing i have with emotional intimacy so… yeah. It's complicated.
1. I'm in love with a gay man

**disclaimer: i do not own Inuyasha**

 **so this was supposed to be a oneshot, but it got too long and has now become a short mutli-chapter story (i hope. i really don't have it in me to start an super long stories). think of it as something that could have been a oneshot if i wanted you to read 50 pages worth of writing at once.**

 **anyways, i hope you enjoy!**

 **Chapter 1: I'm in love with a gay man**

I have never, in my entire life, really _liked_ someone. I've had petty crushes in middle school and high school, but I've convinced myself that those crushes were only the results of boredom. And, yeah, there was that one guy in my psychology class junior year who I probably really did like, but he was a sophomore and I did not want to date a younger man so I convinced myself I didn't really like him (And then he ended up getting a girlfriend after I didn't respond to what could have been flirting or joking—it was always too happy rd to tell with him—and I missed my chance.) And in college I was too busy to afford the distraction of a boyfriend.

The point is, I have never had a boyfriend or even trusted my feelings enough to believe that I really liked someone. It's actually a great defense mechanism; being able to convince myself I don't like anyone completely saves me from ever risking heartbreak. Hell, it keeps me from ever having to step on a limb and confess my love for anyone.

But, of course, there's a crack in every armor and it was only a matter of time for one appeared in mine. Because, six months ago, I walked into the small coffee shop on the corner of the strip mall I worked at and I met him and, sadly, I think I'm in love. Even all of my constant convincing hasn't talked me out of denying my feelings for this guy.

There are a million reason as to why I shouldn't allow myself to feel anything for the coffee shop owner, but despite how many times I repeated this man's flaws—his hair was longer than mine, he made bad jokes, he liked horror movies—I still ended up stopping by the coffee shop for breakfast and lunch and talking to him. Common sense told me I should reduce the amount of contact I had with him to stop these feelings from growing, but, as I'm learning for the first time, people do really stupid shit when they're in love.

The bell chimed over my head as I opened the door to the Beantown, causing the man behind the register with the long braid to look up from the book he was reading and smile broadly at me.

"Hey Sango," he greeted me, already punching an order into the register before I even made it to the counter. "The usual?"

"I don't know…" I trailed off, looking over the menu I already had memorized. "I might want a smoothie this morning."

"It's cold outside," he said, punching in my order. "You want a chai latte. And a croissant," he added with a wink.

"Pfft," I scoffed, now standing on the other side of the counter, directly in front of him. "Don't act like you know me."

"Sango," he deadpanned looking me in the eyes. I raised my brow at him and stared back until he laughed and reached up to pinch my cheek. "After all these months, I know you like the back of my hand."

God, I love him.

"Hey, you want to see the puppy Jakotsu bought yesterday?" Bankotsu was already fishing his phone out of his pocket to show me the tiny golden retriever that was curled up on the sofa.

"It's so cute," I cooed, although I'm not a at all a dog person (I have a cat.) Or a cooing person. "Girl or boy?"

"Gender is a social construct," Bankotsu reminded me, "but our puppy does have male sex organs. And because we do exist in a heteronormative society that is hard to escape, we're currently using he, him pronouns for him. For now. Jak is very serious about raising him with a gender neutral upbringing."

"Wow."

"Are you really surprised?" Bankotus raised a brow at me. "This is Jak we're talking about."

"True. But do animals get socialized the same way as humans though?" I asked as he shoved his phone back into his pocket before turning around to grab a cup for my chai "I mean, does gender even really exist for animals since it is a manmade idea or are we just projecting our conceptions of the world onto other species in order to make sense of the world and put everyone and everything neatly defined boxes?"

Bankotsu was grinning while he steamed my milk. "You see, _that_ is why I love you."

I pretended that my heart didn't just skip a beat. "And here I just thought it was because I tipped well."

"No, that's why I'm crazy about you. Our conversations set the foundation for love though."

"Anymore flirting and I might have to make a pass at you." Bankotsu shot me his playful smirk and winked at me and I rolled my eyes while fighting an intense blush before switching topics. Any more playful banter and I would convince myself we were really flirting and I really had a chance and that was just dumb. "Do you at least have a name for your new puppy?"

"Not yet. Jakotsu keeps coming up with all these dumb posh names. He wanted to name him something with a sir. Like Sir William or something."

"Interesting choice for someone trying to create a gender neutral upbringing."

"That's what I said!" Bankotsu finished making my drink and pushed it to me and rested his arms on the counter as he watched me take my first sip. "Good?"

"Perfect."

"So yeah, right now we're between Sir William and my choice of Rumi."

"After the poet?" I asked and Bank's smile almost split his face in two and blinded me with his pearly whites.

"You see, you just get me."

I shrugged. "We just have a natural connection."

"If only I didn't love my Jak so much," Bankotsu sighed, picking up a rag to wipe down the counter. "You might have actually had a chance, Tanaka."

I ignored the salt being rubbed into the wound that was my heart and laughed at the joke like I was supposed to. "Damn, if only our timing worked out better."

"That and if you identified as a gay man."

"Ha ha," I awkwardly laughed at Bank's slap to reality, snapping my fingers "You got me there."

So yeah, number one reason why being in love with Bankotsu is really _really_ stupid: he's gay.

But like I said, people do stupid shit when they're in love.

* * *

 **please review! ^_^**

 **-qr**


	2. My best friend thinks i will die alone

**disclaimer: i do not own Inuyasha**

 **Chapter 2: My best friend thinks i'm going to die alone**

I spent a full hour at Beantown with Bank - yes, I got up an hour earlier than I needed to just to talk to a guy with _zero_ interest in me, but you know, crazy shit and all - before the I finally had to go to work because things like rent and bills exist. I said bye to Bank with a promise to see him tomorrow before walking the two minutes to the other side of strip mall where _Forget Me Not_ was located.

My foot was barely through the door, but Kagome was waiting for me, her smile suspiciously wide. "Sango!"

"Kagome!" I shouted back with mock enthusiasm as I shut the door behind me and locked it. _Forget Me Not_ was the letter writing business Kagome and I started where, for the most part, we sell handmade cards (Kagome was the artist and I was the writer), but for those less gifted with words we also wrote letters for people. I thought it would be just a fun addition to our business model, but sometimes it felt like we were unlicensed therapists in charge of relaying people's complex feelings to their significant others and that got exhausting. We didn't open until 10, but there were always someone who tried to get in early and burden me with their personal problems earlier than they needed to. "What do you want?"

"What are you talking about?" Kagome smiled innocently from behind her desk folding a paper crane. She was taking a new approach to 'Get Well Soon' cards.

"When have you ever been this excited to see me without wanting to tell me something I probably won't like?"

"Sango," Kagome gaped at me. "You're my _best_ friend. I love seeing you."

I fell into my desk across the room from Kagome's and gave her a leveled look. "Spill it."

"Fine," Kagome sighed, giving in. "Just promise you won't shoot me down before I finish telling you everything."

My entire face fell. "Not another blind date."

"Just hear me out."

I personally was content with my love life the way it was. I was 26, I've never dated, and I was in love with a man who had no interest in women—I accepted that. The only motivation I had to get a boyfriend sooner rather than later was the hope that Kagome would stop setting me up with random losers in her attempt to save me from a lonely life with only my fifty cats to comfort me. Kagome always worried about my nonexistent romantic life, but it's been even worse since she married Inuyasha. She was afraid her dream of raising our children together was about to be compromised.

"Kagome, no," I refused. "Not again."

"Oh, come _on,"_ She begged. "I admit, the last date I sent you on wasn't the best, but this time I've got a really good guy for you."

"You said that last time."

"But now I'm not lying!" I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "He's Inuyasha's friend."

"Just because Inuyasha's a great guy it doesn't mean his friends are great by association."

"But this guy is kind and funny. Everyone think he's charming."

"What's his name?"

Kagome hesitated, but only for a second. "Miroku…"

" _Miroku?"_ I shot up in my seat and Kagome nodded slowly, trying to disappear into the cushions of her chair. "As in the best man Miroku?"

"That would be Inuyasha's friend." I glared at her. "Come on, he's a good guy."

"A good guy?" I looked at her like she was crazy. "He hit on every girl with a pulse and then slept with all the bridesmaids except me. He's a dog, Kagome."

"Ewww." Kagome wrinkled her nose in disgust. "He slept with Kikyo?"

"And he asked me to bear his children. Twice."

"He was drunk?"

"No. He was completely sober. And I know he was sober because he told me and I quote, 'you're the only girl here I'd fuck while I'm this sober. You're so gorgeous I wouldn't want to forget a second of our love making.' End quote!"

"You remembered all that word for word?"

"It was the most offensive thing I've ever heard in my life!" I shook my head as I turned my computer on. "I'm not meeting him. I would die the happiest person on earth if I never had to see that man again."

"Well, at least you know he likes you." I rolled my eyes. "Come on, Sango. He's not that bad."

"He's a pervert."

"He's changed."

"In six months? Really?"

"Just give him a chance."

I sighed heavily, massaging my temples. "Why is it so hard for you to understand I don't want to waste valuable time getting to know a guy who would cheat on me?"

"He's not like that!" Kagome insisted. "Anymore…"

"Wow."

"Please Sango?" Kagome was begging now. "He was so excited when Inuyasha told him about your date."

"So you've already set the date up before I agreed?" Kagome gave me a sheepish grin. "Is there even a point in having this conversation?"

"He likes you."

"He's attracted to me," I corrected her. "There's a huge difference."

"Try to see things from my point of view."

I rolled my eyes and buried my face in my hands. "Not this again."

"I'm genuinely worried about you, Sango. You've never been in a relationship your entire life and you don't even seem to care! And it's not because you're unattractive or have a terrible personality, you intentionally scare every guy who's interested in you away." Kagome stared at me trying to convey the gravity of my situation and I turned away from her, typing in my password and logging in to my computer. "The fact that you're so afraid of falling in love because you don't want to risk getting hurt is terrible!"

"I'm not afraid," I muttered under my breath, still avoiding eye contact. "I'm just not interested."

"But you don't even _try_ to be interested. And I'm afraid you're going to turn around a few years from now, realize you want to get married, and see that you've scared off every good man out there. It's tragic!"

"There are 7 billion people in the world, Kags," I said, glancing at her from around my monitor. "I'm sure I'll find someone willing to put up with me. _Also_ my quality of life doesn't have to revolve around whether or not I'm going to get married. Like seriously Kagome, this is Feminism 101. And the way marriage is shoved down our throats is just a capitalist marketing tactic to inspire consumerism and control- "

"Ooooookay," Kagome cut me off, raising her hands to stop me and then and slowly lowering them back to her desk with a long exhale. "Let's step down from the soap box for a second and relax."

"I'm just saying."

"You're right. I'm sorry. Just because I value marriage doesn't mean you have to too."

"Thank you."

" _However,_ " Kagome continued and I groaned slamming my head into my desk and fisting my hair. There was never any winning with Kagome when she wanted to coerce me into a blind date. "Marriage and traditional notions of commitment aside, have you ever even really liked anyone?" Kagome asked, sounding truly concerned. "Not to get all motherly on you, but I get this feeling that your complete unwillingness to risk being in a relationship is really pointing to an underlying problem of extreme fear of emotional intimacy." She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head to the side. "Do you want to unpack that?"

Fuck Kagome and the three psychology courses she took in college.

"You know," I started, finally lifting my head up from my desk, "I think I'll pass on that one."

I could tell Kagome about how I didn't have a heart of stone and that I was in love with Bankotsu, but that would be like opening a whole other can of worms. Kagome might really have me psychoanalyzed if I admitted the first man I managed to fall for was six feet, gorgeous, and gay.

"I just don't want you to be alone."

"You mean you're going to abandon me later on in life?" I gasped and feigned shock. "But I thought we were _best friends."_

"You know what I mean. I just—"

There was a knock on the door and Ayame, a regular client of ours, waved through the glass.

"It's freezing and 10:01!" she shouted, pointing to her wrist watch. "Time for you to open up."

"I don't get how you can write amazing love letters for other people, but be so closed off to finding your own love," Kagome mumbled as she got up to open the door for Ayame.

"I don't just write love letters," I reminded her. "We write for all occasions, remember?" (Although, to be fair, people seem to need the most help articulating the right words to the people they share romantic relationships and that does take up most of my day).

"It still doesn't explain why you're emotionally constipated."

I just sighed and opened up my email. There was no getting through to Kagome sometimes.

"Hey guys," Ayame smiled as she walked in, pulling her hat off her head. "How's it going?"

"Fine."

"Sango refuses to find happiness for herself," Kagome stated, contradicting my neutral response.

"One, romantic love isn't the pinnacle of all happiness," I defended myself. "And two, you set me up with _Miroku!"_

"You need to take a chance," Kagome persisted. "It would be a step in opening you up to finding someone you really like."

"Ooooh," Ayame grinned as she hung her coat on the back of the chair on the other side of my desk and slid into her seat. "Are we playing matchmaker for Sango? Because I want in."

"Ayame," I snapped. "Don't encourage her."

"You think it's terrible for her to be alone too, right?" Ayame nodded and Kagome gave me an I-told-you-so look. "I mean, it's one thing to suffer from a broken heart but—"

"But dying of a lonely heart, one that has never felt love, is much _much_ worse," Ayame finished for her.

I stared at Ayame. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I don't want you to be a lonely cat lady either," she confessed.

"Stop hating on cat ladies!" I shouted at them and they both bit back their laughter. "Cats are amazing, okay?"

"But you can't have sex with your cats, Sango." Ayame pointed out and Kagome nodded enthusiastically, crossing the room to stand next to Ayame, solidifying their new found alliance. "You just can't."

"We have vibrators for a reason."

Ayame arched a brow at me. "You're really trying to tell me you're going to be content with just your cats and a vibrating piece of plastic 30 years from now? Really?"

. . .

Okay yeah, taking my libido into consideration, I could hear how weak my own argument was.

"I thought this date was about being open to relationships, not my future sex life," I grumbled, still not wanting to lose in making my point. "I can still have sex with people without being in a relationship."

"But you also can't have conversations with cats or a vibrator," Ayame added and I glared at her. "I mean, speaking from a pro-blind date perspective, you may want to consider your options for human companionship before limiting yourself to that kind of adult solitude."

"Right," Kagome was quick to chime in. "This is really just about you being open to new experiences and embracing life instead of cocooning yourself because you're afraid of being vulnerable. It's about learning to give people a chance."

I winced as Kagome hit the nail on the head again. "But it's _Miroku._ "

"Okay yes, but to be fair, for all his playboying ways, have you ever heard any complaints?" I gaped at Kagome and she shrugged "I'm just saying it can't hurt."

"Yeah," Ayame grinned. "If you don't want a relationship, cool, but aren't you curious about what all the hype is about?"

"I hate you both."

"So is that a yes?" Kagome asked and I just closed my eyes and massaged my temples. Why was she always pushing me into these situations? "Come on, it'll be fun! This could be a chance for you to bond more with Miroku even as just a friend which would be great because he is Inuyasha's best friend and it would be easier for the four of us to hang out at once instead of hanging out with each of you separately. And this could be a stepping stone in your own growth in practicing how to give people a chance before writing them off. I'm telling you, Sango, I really think there are some underlying issues with your need to control your emotions that we should really talk through one of these days. Like when did this start, what's the root of it? There's just so much to-"

"Okay, okay! Fine." There was a reason I always ended up on the dates Kagome set me up on: she. never. shut. up. Eventually you just get tired of her talking. "I'll go out with Miroku."

"Yes!" Kagome cheered and she and Ayame both squealed and broke out into mini victory dances. "Oh, this is great! I would have felt so bad if I had to cancel on him. Like I said, he was really happy about the news."

"Yeah, whatever," I grumbled as Kagome skipped back to her desk across the room. "Just give me his number."

* * *

 **please review! ^_^**

 **-qr**


	3. I have a date with a fuck boy

**disclaimer: i do not own Inuyasha**

 **Chapter 3: I have a date with a fuck boy**

 _Drop top Porsche (Porsche), Rollie' on my wrist (wrist)  
Diamonds up and down my chain (aha)  
Cardi B, straight stuntin', can't tell me nothin'..._

I didn't like clubs. In fact, to be specific, I _hated_ clubs. The music was always too loud, it was impossible to dance without a stranger trying to grind on you, and creepy, married middle-aged men always tried to hit on you at the bar. It was impossible to get to know somebody amidst all the noise making it a horrible spot for a first date.

Which is why it was the perfect place to meet Miroku.

If I gave a rat's ass about Miroku in the slightest bit I would have really judged him for suggesting a club to be our meeting spot when I called him Wednesday night, but I didn't care about Miroku. I was thrilled about the night club because it meant I wouldn't have to learn about Miroku on a personal level, saving me from disliking him more than I already did.

"Sango?" I looked over my shoulder and saw Miroku approaching with the same too laid-back smile he always wore on the few times I've seen him.

"Hi, Miroku."

"Sango!" He smiled wider as he slid onto the stool next to me, just staring at me like an idiot. "Wow."

"Wow, what?"

" _Wow,_ you're still as hot as you were at the wedding!" I rolled my eyes. "In fact, I think you got hotter. I can't see your ass, but I'm sure—"

"Please stop," I cut him off. "Please don't let the first few sentences out of your mouth be about my ass."

Miroku kept grinning. "You look good."

"Thanks," I grumbled begrudgingly. "You look nice too."

"You mean I look sexy."

"You look nice."

"Come on." Miroku wiggled his brows in that stupidly suggestive way he always did. "It's okay to admit you're attracted to me. Just say it: You're sexy, Miroku." He smiled at me. "It's that easy!"

"Excuse me!" I shouted to the bartender, waving my hand in the air until I got his attention. "Can I get a refill on this?" I asked, pointing to the shot glass I had downed before Miroku got here in attempt to settle my preexisting annoyances with him (clearly, one shot wasn't enough). "Like, _now._ "

"Make it two!" Miroku shouted, smiling at the bartender who just waved his hand over his shoulder as he went about making our drinks. Miroku then turned to me, leaning against the bar with his stupid grin. "I too believe everything is better when you're drunk."

"I'm not getting drunk with you."

"Right. You're the only girl I'd fuck sober." Miroku winked at me and smiled and I almost gagged. "You're too gorgeous to risk forgetting."

"Is that line supposed to work?" I snapped disgusted as the bartender set our shot glasses in front of us. "Because it didn't work last time you tried it on me."

"Some girls fall for it," Miroku shrugged, reaching for his glass. "Should I try it on someone else?" He scanned the sea of girls at the bar and jumping around on the dance floor. "Ooh!" He shouted pointing to a tall girl who was stick thin with long hair dyed platinum blonde. "Her. She's pretty hot, right?" Miroku smiled at me and I gaped at him. "You think she'll fall for it?"

Picking up other girls on our supposed blind date? _Yeah, Kagome, Miroku_ really _changed._ I downed my shot and motioned to the bartender to keep them coming _._ There was no way I was getting through this date without a few more drinks in my system.

 _Six shots (each) later…_

"Shit," I slurred, laughing as Miroku stumbled his way back to the bar, nursing the cheek the woman he tried picking up had slapped. "She slapped the _shit_ out of you."

"I know," he mumbled, climbing back on the stool next to mine.

"Which line did you use?"

"Two. First, I'm feeling off right now would you like to turn me on." I was cracking up in his face and he just motioned the bartender back over towards us ordering two mojitos. "And then you're too gorgeous to fuck drunk."

"But you _are_ drunk."

He seemed to be thinking it over for a few seconds. "Oh."

"If I had a dime for every time I saw a girl as beautiful as you I'd have exactly ten cents." I nodded to myself in satisfaction as the bartender pushed our drinks towards us. "You should use that on the next girl."

Miroku's nose wrinkled. "That's so cheesy."

"Yeah, but in a cute way," I assured him. "They might think you're all innocent and sweet and give you a chance."

"Should we do a blonde or brunette?"

I scanned the crowd for our next target and grinned. "Red head." I giggled at Miroku's reluctant face. "Why did you even come on this date when you were jus gonna pick up girls?"

"To get Inuyasha off my case." He took a large gulp of his drink while I sipped mine "He's afraid I'm going to get AIDS or chlamydia." Miroku's eyes were wide. "I heard that's like fire shooting out your dick when you piss."

" _No,"_ I gaped and Miroku nodded somberly. "Wow…"

"Why are you here when you keep telling me to pick up girls?"

"To get Kagome off my back." I stopped sipping my drink and tossed it back, downing it all in one shot. I felt so light and bubbly… "She thinks I'm gonna die alone cause I've never had a boyfriend."

"What!" Miroku stared at me wide eyed, rocking back and forth on his seat. "But you're sexy!"

"I'm picky. And I'm in love with the owner of a coffee shop."

"So date him."

"He's gay."

" _Whaaaaat?"_

 _Three mixed drinks later…_

"You—you know what we should do?"

"What?"

"We should, we should…" Miroku trailed off and blinked hard a few times before he finally hiccupped and burped. "That's better."

" _Whaaat,_ " I whined, hitting his shoulder. "What should we do?"

"We should pretend to date." I stared at Miroku's sloppy smile for a few seconds, dumbfounded, before I busted into laughter. "I'm serious."

"Me? And you? _Together?_ " I laughed like the obnoxious lush I was at that moment, teetering dangerously on my stool. "Why?"

"Because I'm tired of blind dates." Miroku rested his head on the bar and smiled up at me. "I want… I want to— to sleep around without Inuyasha judging me."

"So you want to _use_ me?"

"You too use me!" He shouted back, his words getting jumbled in his mouth, but he didn't bother correcting himself. "Date me, no more nagging Kagome."

"True…"

"See? Great plan!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!" Miroku looked up me as seriously as he could, actually suppressing his trademark grin. "I'm serious."

"Yeah, okay," I nodded. "I'm drunk."

"Me _too!"_

 _One expensive bill later…_

"So this is real?" Miroku asked me for the millionth time as we stumbled out of the club, barely able to hold each other up. "Like, really really _really_ real?"

"Yeah, yeah," I agreed absentmindedly as I stood on the curb, waving for a taxi while Miroku held my other arm to keep me from falling into the street and getting run over by a truck. "Sure."

"So you're my girlfriend?"

"If I remember anything…" A taxi finally pulled up to the curb and I was relieved. I was really tired now. And hungry. I hoped I still had that leftover pizza from two nights ago in my fridge.

"I'll remind you."

"Yeah, okay." I reached the taxi door, but missed the handle three times before Miroku finally opened it for me. "Thanks. If you don't remember we're fucked," I slurred as I climbed in, "because I won't remind you if I remember."

"I'll remember," he promised and for the first time since our fourth shot glass his smile didn't seem so sloppy when he grinned at me. "You're too gorgeous to risk forgetting."

-x-

When I woke up the next morning I had a hangover that made me want to crawl into an early grave just to put an end to my splitting headache and the bing of my text tone going off in an obnoxious string of repetition.

"This asshole…" I growled under my breath, reaching to grab my phone of my nightstand. _I'm going to kill the idiot who—_

I froze when I read Miroku's name on my screen and the ten messages he sent me.

 _I_

 _Remember_

 _EVERYTHING!_

 _YOU AND I ARE NOW DATING!_

 _Feel free to consider yourself the luckiest woman on earth._

 _P.S – don't think you're getting out of this either._

 _I'm pretty sure we shook on this._

 _I look forward to our first official date ;)_

 _;) ;) ;)_

 _You know you're happy about this too_

 _._

 _._

 _._

What the hell did I _do_ last night?


End file.
